My Legacy is More Than My Skin Color by Desiree Buffin Accountability • Generations
Over the coming weeks, you are going to be hearing more from me on the topic of Inclusion, and why it is so critical to both personal and organizational success. During this incredible moment in the Black Lives Matter movement, it is more important than ever to listen to people and viewpoints you may not have in the past and try to better understand what it is like to walk in the shoes of the African-American community, as well those from different countries and experiences of your own.
I am honored to begin our Inclusion series with a first-person piece from my incredible Executive Administrative Manager, Desiree. Desiree has a fascinating background, and as a result, has a unique perspective on what she is seeing and feeling in the current environment. Desiree, thank you SO MUCH for your courage and generosity in sharing this with us. To all of you reading this, I hope you enjoy and welcome your comments and discussion.
Wake up! What is going on outside? Do you not see what’s in the headlines that your very existence is still being challenged? What are you going to tell your children today? How are you are going to explain that there’s not only COVID-19 outside our doors today without telling them that the whole human race has decided to become judge and executioner just because they feel like they can do that? Who are you going to help today when you are suppressing the feelings within yourself just because you do not want to join everyone and get angry or mad because you are thinking about history and the many necks that had been broken just for trying to say we should get along? Do you recall that you’re not only a minority woman but you are also a single mother and you’re also an immigrant and you’re also still trying to build a legacy for children that you bore in order to survive and honor your forefathers in this land called America? Time to take a walk and get out of this house so that you can think and process and decide how do you really feel and what are you going to tell the children who look to you? You have told your children that they can dream, and they can live the reality of that those dreams with respect and hard work. Wait what is that video that‘s circulating on my phone? Is this something I want to take the time to stop and look at or do I want to just not think about it, not feel about it. Why am I being reminded of 911 at this very moment, why is this helplessness trying to return – I know that it’s time to decide to watch more deeply than I have in the past couple of weeks. Let me press play on the video and face whatever it is that it needs to show me. Uncontrollable crying, I have returned to the state of a baby and I just cannot stop watching and I cannot stop feeling this overwhelming need to run, the very thing that I hate to do even when no one is chasing me but today as the officer throws an identifiable young lady to the ground and tosses her around like a rag doll, I understand that we as a human race have not come far enough.
On the walk, I remind myself that this is just my neighborhood but why am I now checking the faces to see their reaction or their response to me taking a walk and do I really need to watch every little movement that the children make while only riding their bikes – what is happening? Am I truly now uncomfortable with eyes wide open because my one semi-safe bubble has been popped and it seems like I can see color that I never looked at before and this is not about nature it’s about everything else but nature! Oh, my goodness my son can tell that something is wrong as he asked – why do you have your face like that mom – everything okay? I lied – yes, of course, just making sure we are safe with COVID-19 (6 ft apart). It is apparent that I’m not being the brave soldier, I’m supposed to be keeping their dreams of freedom and hope alive and filled with all happy moment until the real world comes in but by then they will be adults, right? It’s very strange when the music which you love which always has a refocusing effect fails. I AM NOT distracted today not by the music, not by its ability to lighten my mood, not lifted by it but instead there‘s so much on my mind that needs to be adjusted that needs to be thought out and so much in my heart that needs to be felt but I do not feel brave enough to allow it all to come to breathe – So what now?
Virtual life transformation group is tonight and now I am only within 24hrs of my bubble– popping feelings. This is a small group meeting virtually from my church family. I enter into the virtual meeting I am overwhelmed to see the diversity of the faces that on my camera and as the questions pour out, I decided I must speak – it is addressing the racism in the news. Here come those tears but this time it is because I trust the faces I see and I feel safe enough to actually say how I am feeling and how incredibly overwhelming it is to accept that all the advancements of acceptance and love that we have shown as a people of diversity had reverted back to the 1960s. Why is trying to embrace love something that causes us to maim, wound, castrate, beat, condemn, and kill our differences? It was clear to me that we are still fragile souls trying to control a piece of whatever we feel relate to us. So many have died for those of us here right now in this moment of history to provide us the ability to have a plethora of choices that exceed birth, gender, nationality, education, disability, or human tendencies. Why do we fight to create so many groups of diversity when we fight to subdue diversity itself in its most natural form?
You must go to sleep I tell my restless mind because I must make that choice to control me in order to not join the hate brigade. Did I mention that I am African American, British, and West Indian and so the various layers of me are all on attention? There is an old spiritual song that comes from a religion that says that “weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning” but of course you must make it through the night. The dream was simple, it was when Malcolm X had to say goodbye to this family because he was going against his original execution of his belief but when did Martin Luther King Jr meet Malcolm X? I woke the next day to see I made it through the night and the dream was mixed with the men in history I know decide that they had to risk it all for the greater good! The lesson is that in all of this, there is skin on the line and everyone will risk something on both sides. I had to risk being who I need to be in front of my children, my community, myself, and any future people I am to help regardless of their color. A choice made and I feel like me again, all layers of myself are in agreement and then I went for that same walk again and it was a better day because I decided to own being black, woman, immigrant, single mom, entrepreneur, soon to be foster mom, homeowner, successful, healthy, wealthy and above all the best me I dream of regardless of any time in history. What do you choose? Then go be that and own the risks and the rewards because not deciding is deciding and no change comes from no action. Level up and Legacy up because you can!!!
